Life Lessons

Oboe Life: Take 4 -The Motivation of Bullying

Why do we bully each other?

During 3rd grade, my mom decided to relocate her, my brother, and I to Riverside to live closer to our dad. It was a pretty sudden change at that time because Spring Break had just started, and I wasn’t sure why we were driving 2 hours North just to see our dad. Anyway, we ended up never going back to school, so I was transferred to a new school for the first time. It was a pretty big shock to me because being only 8-years-years, adults don’t really explain much to you, and I had no way of getting a chance to say goodbye to any of my former classmates, so I never really got to explain myself or contact them again until I got Facebook and found them during high school.

Moving schools was a very traumatic experience because it was the first time I experienced physical and emotional bullying. I guess I was the odd one that stuck out because (1) I was Asian in a pre-dominantly latino/white school, and (2) I had just moved in during the middle-of-the-year when kids already created their friendships with one another. I got a lot of attention for being different; I was somewhat smart, brought to school weird Filipino snacks, and kept to myself most of the time, whereas at my old school, I wasn’t the smartest one in class, most of my classmates were Asian, and I was very outgoing. I didn’t know why at the time, but kids just started to pick on me. I tried making friends, but somehow they all ignored me for whatever reason. There was actually a group of girls who I thought were nice at first because they sat on the same bus as me on the way home, but they ended up actually physically bullying at school and on the bus. I ended up getting off the bus a stop early and walking an extra block home just to avoid them. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there. They locked me in the girls bathroom once were the lights wouldn’t turn on, and Bloody Mary was famous at the time, so I thought I was going to die in there. I only had to spend 3 months at that school until some of us were transferred to a new school that was built closer to our apartment, so until then, I spent those months alone and afraid, and suffered emotional pain.

I’ve moved on to different schools since then, probably 2 more elementary schools before sticking to one that would let me know people that I would get to spend all the way through high school, but it was an experience that I would never forget. It has caused me to be confined to my own mind, less verbally out there, and less social with people I first meet. Now, the past 10 years I have worked on that to be successful in my own way, but there are forms of bullying that I still experience today.

Real reason I bring this up!

I don’t understand why people have to be cruel to one another. Usually I’m never one to bring up a topic like this out-of-nowhere, but I guess you can say I was triggered recently to bring up the issue. What is the motivation to bring about pain on to others? Why do we have to be mean to each other? It doesn’t have to be physical bullying that can hurt, but verbal negativity and passive-aggressiveness can also be a form of bullying! Is it to just raise your own self to be better than the person you’re bullying? If so, look in a mirror and bully yourself for not being the better person. I believe that everyone gets Karma; what goes around, comes around. Now, I can understand that there is stress, and bullying is just a form to relief that stress, but what good does it do if you just pass it on to someone else? Why not be the person where the bullying can end with you instead of making a circle of it? Find ways to stop the bullying by talking to someone, exercise, creativity, something! Turn that negative into a positive!

For me, when I moved back to San Diego, I moved schools again, and it had been only 6 months without the bullying, so the memories of it were still fresh in my mind. I had to find a way to get rid of it instead of exerting that negativity somewhere else. That’s when I found music. There was a piano when my grandmother bought a house, and I told myself when I moved back that I wanted to learn how to play it, so I did. I’m really glad that I found music as my positive to bullying because I wouldn’t be writing write now, or have been somewhat successful in my young-adult life, or finding my passion. I’m glad I was able to turn that negative experience into a positive one.

We should quit the negative things in life and stop passing it around like a disease. If you think you’re exerting negativity onto others, stop what you’re doing, think about what you’re doing, and ask yourself if it’s hurting yourself and hurting others, then do something about it to make it stop or to make it better for everyone. If you can’t help yourself to stop, reach out to friends and family members that you can trust to help you change. If we all just do this, maybe the world will become a better place.

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